It’s always interesting to me to read peoples status’s on Facebook come New Year.
How many will have wonderful memories taking them into the new year, and how many (like me) leave the old Year with a middle finger raised to it.
I’ve also discovered, thanks to Timehop that the last few years have not been our best. I think in part it’s my inability to focus on any good memories I might have had, versus the crappy illnesses, operations, lack of progress with Dixie etc etc.
2017 has been no exception. The second part of the year has been pretty wicked to us. We have spent countless hours in doctors surgery’s, walk in centres and a&e. We’ve been twice in an ambulance. Dixie has had so many antibiotics, steroids and calpol I dread to think how much in total.
In late spring I started to wean myself of my painkillers and anxiety meds and for a while I felt good. Until the illnesses with Dixie became relentless, and every sniffle and cough would send me into such a panic I couldn’t eat or sleep.
On top of this my big girl is struggling. She’s such a sensitive worrier as it is, this going on with Dixie and her starting this school year with her old class split in two has really unsettled her. She’s not enjoying it and that is so not like her. I became so worried I approached her teacher about getting some support within school so I’m hoping with this due to start soon she might be happy there again.
Throughout 2017 the little steps Dixie has made in development has been barely noticeable, and that kills me. She still isn’t weight bearing and can’t articulate anything so her frustration is at an all time high.
Her anxiety is probably the worst I’ve ever seen right now. Going into a cafe or shop is impossible, we are so restricted it just overwhelms me and makes me sad. Over Christmas we could only see family in short bursts before it became too much for her.
Nobody really understands how that impacts your life.
I’m sorry this seems so negative but this is our reality.
On the flip side 2018 is shaping up to be a busy one, and dare I say exciting alongside the scary. We have her EHCP to complete, a school to choose, a walker to try, a specialist bed to look at. And that’s only the next couple of months.
I want to leave the negativity of last year behind us. Start this year with fresh eyes and hope in my heart.
Could this be our year?!
Gahhh I hope so 🤞