I’m sorry that since you were three years old and your little sister arrived in our lives our little world has turned upside down.
I’m sorry that you feel sometimes you aren’t as important as Dixie. You are.
I’m sorry that I’m tired all the time. Often too tired to play or do the things you want me to do.
I’m sorry that you see me sad. I know that makes you sad too.
I’m sorry I sometimes snap at you when I’m frustrated or unhappy.
I’m sorry you have to see Dixie poorly so much. That we often have to take her to hospital, or the doctors. Or the walk in centres on our precious weekends.
I’m sorry you worry so much about her.
I’m sorry that I can’t always take you to school or pick you up, or that things change last minute.
I’m sorry we can’t always do the things you want us to do because it’s too loud, too busy or too much for Dixie….
…..I’m sorry that you often spend time doing some of those things with JUST Daddy or JUST me.
I’m sorry that you’re life isn’t going to be as easy as it should be. That your sibling can’t run around chasing after you, or play babies and barbies.
But can I tell you despite all of this that I’m so proud of you.
I’m proud of the little lady you are growing into.
I’m proud of your kindness towards others, how hardworking you are at school despite how distracted you might feel.
I’m proud of how when I’m sad you know just what to say, or give me the biggest hug.
I’m proud of the sister you are. Of how Dixie always come first.
I’m proud of the way you can make Dixie laugh when she’s grumpy or unsettled. How you do silly dances, sing songs or put nappies on your head to get a giggle.
I’m proud of you.
I love how you always wanna be matchy matchy with her clothes, even though you don’t like most of them.
I love how you push her proudly around the playground on the school run, showing her off. Making her laugh and smile.
I love how you always want her to meet this teacher or that. That you write about her all the time at school.
I love you.
After another sleepless night, and another failed school run, I sent you on your way to school with Grandad and I felt that twist in my stomach again.
How it’s not fair.
Then as I came back to sit with Dixie there it was. A little note you’d written just before you left for school that I didn’t realise you’d done…
“ get well soon Dixie, love from Maisy”
What did I ever do to deserve you 💕
Love mum xxx